Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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