the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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