i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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