Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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