this beer tastes like vomit already
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
