guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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