Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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