Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
