kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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