I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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