Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
