wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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