I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
