Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
