first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I need help removing her.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
