its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
