just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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