just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize