For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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