Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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