I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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