Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
