I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
