I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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