I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My feet surprised me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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