I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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