I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need water and some morals
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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