there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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I can't turn off my feet"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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