my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
