Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
