the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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