What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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