walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
