"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
