Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
