oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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