Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
