I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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