FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
