what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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