i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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