I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize