dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
