You're a womanizer and a bitch.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
