I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
