I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
