I want to make a zoo with you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What a dumb baby whore.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how does that bad decision feel?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
