D3 body, D1 cock
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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