Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
