I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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