dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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