SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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