I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
