You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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