Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
