what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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