Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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