I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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