I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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