Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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